Uncle Pat, 5

‘What is a crucifix doing under Uncle Pat’s pillow?’ was all that filled James’s mind, ‘Patricia has to see this.’

James hastened downstairs to alert Patricia of what he had seen. When he got to her room, she was still on the phone talking to someone.

“Patricia, come with me, you have to see this,” James uttered, but she kept talking.

“Patricia, now!” he enthused.

“Jeez! What is your problem? Can’t you see I’m on a call?” she yelled back as she blocked the phone’s mic with her palm.

“Who are you talking to?” James asked.

“Uhg… for real?” she broke off again, “my boyfriend.”

James almost choked. “You have a boyfriend?” James asked, stupefied.

“Yea, dummy.” Patricia put the phone to her ears once more and said, “Uh… can I call you back, something just came up.” She hung up.

“This had better be important, if not, trust me, I will personally drive the bread knife down your heart and juice it till the blood thickens.”

James grew perplexed, he knew his sister was raw, but sometimes she scared him with her utterings.

“But seriously, Patricia, a boyfriend? How did that happen? Is he like from this planet or is he like a Martian?”

Patricia pushed James so hard that he almost fell down the stairs, thanks to the railing.

“Okay-okay,” he chuckled out, with a hint of fright, “you must really love him that much. All I’m saying is I’d like to meet him, just to make sure he’s from around.”

Patricia threw him a sinister glance.

“What did you want to show me?” Patricia asked as they closed the guest room door shut.

“Moment of truth,” James quipped, “raise the pillow.”

“James, are you kidding me right now? I swear I will stab you if this is a joke.”

“Just raise the pillow,” James insisted.

Patricia reluctantly raised the pillow and there it was, the crucifix. Immediately, she picked it up and started inspecting it. James stood, flummoxed.

“Aren’t you the least bit surprised?” James asked, expecting a reaction from Patricia.

“Hmm… this definitely buttresses my point. Uncle Pat is haunted, so much so that he had to plant a crucifix under his pillow.”

“Exactly how I felt. It’s just weird if you ask me.”

Patricia eyed James. “I’ve got to say, nice catch. Now I have concrete evidence to back up my plan. We are going to be exactly the reason why he puts this cross under his pillow.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We are going to be the demon in his sleep.”


“Bend over,” Patricia ordered.

She began inspecting his shoulder, pinching and punching.

“Ouch!” James uttered in mild pain, “what are you on about?”

“I have to see if your shoulders are strong enough to lift me,” Patricia replied.

“Lift you? Where?”

“That’s part of the plan, dummy. We need height for the plan to work, and I just made sure you’re up to the task. In fact, let’s give it a try.”

James bent low and Patricia climbed his neck, and with a push he was up and going. They did a couple of sitting and standing exercises, and he kept his part.

“At least what you lack in sense you make up in muscle. It would be a pity if you lacked both,” Patricia said.

James threw her on the bed in anger.

“I hope that isn’t how you talk to your Martian boyfriend.”

Instantly, Patricia’s face became a ball.

John barged into the guest room as he does every other room. He couldn’t hide his shock seeing them so comfy in Uncle Pat’s room.

“Mummy has been calling you for a century!” he took another look around before storming out.

“Does he even know what a century is?” Patricia uttered as she and James left the room.

Mum was all set to go out as they arrived downstairs.

“I want to get a few things from the market for the weekend. So please take care of yourselves. James, take care of your sister and brother, I’d be back in no time.” she said.

“Like he can even take care of himself,” Patricia said.

“Why do you like saying mean things?” James exploded.

“It’s okay,” mum calmed, “you all should take care of yourselves. So can I go now?”

Dad and Uncle Pat returned home together. They were definitely looking cheerful. Dad looked more cheerful on Fridays because it meant little or no work the day after and next.

“Welcome dad. Welcome Uncle Pat.”

“My bubbles! I’ve missed you all. Come give me a hug.”

Patricia reluctantly hugged Uncle Pat. He pressed her so hard she could scent the sweat from his long-sleeved shirt. On the other side he hugged James equally hard he could hardly breathe. Soon after, Uncle Pat came to the living room to be with them.

“What are you bubbles watching?” he asked.

“Henry Danger,” said John.

“You guys don’t know the good stuff. Let’s put some sport to show you some real action,” he said.

Uncle Pat made for the remote and changed it to Super Sport 3 where football was showing. Patricia couldn’t believe her eyes. How could he just change the channel when he knew they were watching something? She was boiling inside. James’s mouth was ajar, he couldn’t believe it. Patricia stood and left the sitting room, James followed.

“How can he just do whatever he likes? There has to be a limit!” Patricia fumed.

“Calm down, Patricia. You’re the same person that said we shouldn’t get angry,” James said.

“I’m not angry, dummy, I’m reacting.”

“You just want to be right always and it’s not a good quality.”

“Look, I won’t take lectures from you, so get out if you can’t shut it!”

James nodded gloomily and left the room.

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